| Shortly after having my first baby, I decided I | | | | to the public that leaves a mom a bit sheepish. |
| was going to be the perfect parent. I immediately | | | | And, might I add, it is an experience that every |
| began to keep an intelligent library of child-rearing | | | | self-congratulatory mom should experience. |
| books on my nightstand and would replenish the | | | | Revelation #2 came earlier this autumn month |
| stock as each book was absorbed into my | | | | while in 1st grade. The students were instructed |
| sub-consciousness and checked off the "read" list. | | | | to decorate a pre-drawn vehicle which |
| My fixation on perfection was evident. The | | | | represented their transportation home after |
| bookstore clerks began to call me by name. My | | | | school. The choices were school bus or car. My |
| bank statement regularly presented the | | | | son, being the mom-taxi'd lad that he is, chose |
| preference for my local Borders Bookstore and | | | | the car. I stumbled upon this visual when I had |
| my husband was consistently reminded of my | | | | come to school to assist the students in making |
| expertise on the subject from my readily available | | | | apple pies. There I was behind the wheel, a side |
| corrections and helpful tips. When the matriarchs | | | | profile of mom with long chunky red hair, a big, |
| of my family tree would enlighten me with the | | | | bold blue eyeball and a big, blood-red...for everyone |
| sage advice of "I made my mistakes and you will | | | | to see...frowny face. Lovely! I guess for |
| make yours", I would nod in agreement simply to | | | | popularity's sake among the class (teacher |
| humor them and pay respect for the admittance | | | | included) I should try to refrain from excessive |
| of their parental blunders. But, I reassured myself | | | | morning scoldings toward my son's tail-dragging |
| that there was no way I would let "mistakes" | | | | tendencies. |
| creep into my role as mother. My children would | | | | Luckily I have grounded myself to realize that my |
| be raised seamlessly, with nary a flaw, and would | | | | mother and grandmother are right. I will make |
| grow up to raise their children perfectly because | | | | mistakes and even if I do not, my children are |
| of my initiatives toward diligent parenting. I was | | | | going to find times to under appreciate my |
| on a glorious roll until my firstborn learned to | | | | mothering skills. The more I live this crazy life of a |
| draw. | | | | mom, I realize that books are great to fall back |
| Revelation #1 came when my son was in his | | | | on but they are not a valid substitution for the |
| darling fourth year. This is the year where children | | | | actual experiences of being a mother. We are |
| begin to draw stick figures, flowers, and houses | | | | three-dimensional beings with emotions; we are |
| with smoked coming out of the chimney. My | | | | not a one dimensional black and white paperback |
| firstborn was no different. I was so pleased when | | | | devoid of erroneous zones. In fact, there are |
| I came across a sketch that my son had drawn | | | | times when you may want to launch the |
| of the pleasant panoramic rendition of our front | | | | clever-beyond-years, all-knowing text book |
| yard. It had such pleasing detail, including a whispy, | | | | through your front room window. And even when |
| three-tiered, warm smiling sun and two overly tall | | | | you do follow all the educated and researched |
| flowers, surely symbolizing my sweet one's love | | | | wisdom, you will find that for every book you |
| for the beauty in his life. The house had a slightly | | | | read there is another one with conflicting advice |
| rounded roof which I was sure represented the | | | | from PhD's and MD's that will still keep you |
| gentle parenting he received; the lack of sharp | | | | guessing at your adequacy of a parent. In the |
| edges, a sign of the warmth emulated within my | | | | meantime, until your kids have children of their |
| son's nurturing home environment. Frilly curtains | | | | own, they are not going to forgive you when you |
| aligned the cheery open windows. And then...I | | | | leave them with a new babysitter for the first |
| noticed the stick figure. It seemed that my dear | | | | time nor will they excuse your uncoolness of not |
| boy must have made a mistake on it, since it | | | | letting them leave the house without shoes, play |
| was slightly scribbled. Nevertheless, I searched | | | | near edges where they may fall or hook up with |
| throughout the house to find the young lad to | | | | society's possible law-breaking citizen of the |
| elaborate on how wonderful a picture he had | | | | future. As well, you will make mistakes. There will |
| drawn. I found him, lavishly praised his creativity | | | | be times when you think your child is |
| and then inquired about the stick figure. "It's you, | | | | exaggerating to get out of dishes...right before he |
| Mom." I then asked if he had made a mistake on | | | | projectiles dinner across your kitchen floor. Your |
| it due to the excessive lines. With head down, he | | | | motherly attention scale will surely go off balance |
| grinned and announced that it wasn't scribbled "It's | | | | toward one sibling leaving the other miffed and |
| you on fire, Mom". Shock! Disbelief! I asked him | | | | brooding. And yes, in this day of 'spare the rod' |
| "why" and he just giggled. I decided not to make | | | | mentality, you may very well retract your arm |
| a big deal out of it and instead told him it was a | | | | and release a swift whack on a well-padded |
| great picture anyway, but, oh dear, the | | | | diapered butt. But, in the end, if your goal and |
| tumultuous thoughts that began racing through | | | | desire is to love and nurture your children the |
| my bewildered head would not quiet! I acted on | | | | best you can, surely you will not deviate too far |
| the notion of tormented child syndrome | | | | off the path of good and crash into failure. |
| immediately and phoned a few family members, | | | | Being a mother can be construed as one of those |
| who also thought it rather humorous and | | | | thankless jobs in life. But, luckily it is also a role of |
| dismissed any negative connotations. Thankfully, I | | | | delayed gratification. For all the time and energy |
| also spoke with a friend (who happens to be a | | | | you are putting into raising your child into the near |
| psychologist) and he informed me that it was not | | | | perfect specimen of a human, you, nor they, will |
| that my son had pyromaniac tendencies, nor did | | | | fully know the result of your diligence until they |
| he wish me in harm's way, it was simply a | | | | become adults. You will receive a few more |
| common way for a child to express himself when | | | | long-awaited thank you's from your kids as they |
| mad at a parent. Earlier in the day, my son was | | | | start fine-tuning their own parenting skills. You will |
| forbidden a third cookie at Grammy's house and | | | | be able to see and feel great about your obvious |
| mom's nastiness at the sweet omission warranted | | | | contributions toward their success and forgive |
| a good ring of fire about my humble likeness as a | | | | yourself for your perceived errors that contribute |
| stick figure. | | | | toward their flaws. It is then that you can sit |
| The evidence of childhood displeasure is bad | | | | back and think to yourself, Wow! My child has |
| enough when relinquished in the confinements of | | | | become a great person because of me...and in |
| your own home. It is when the disclosure is made | | | | spite of me! |